Trouble in Paradise...?

Einstein goes to da Pearly gates
St Pete says "proov yer Al" 
so Einstein duzz some tricky math 
says Pete "come on in, pal" 

Picasso wuz da next along
St Pete said "proov it pleez"
he drew a man with 4 left eyes 
so Pete give him his keys

the next guy up wuz Sly Stallone 
again Pete asked fer proof 
"Picasso 'n' Einstein hadda work 
for a place beneath DIS roof" 

said Sly "Picasso? Einstein? 
jest hoo da @*%£ iz dey?"
so Pete said "yup, yew IZ Stallone,
come in den... yew kin stay"

  Ole Gandhi 

ole gandhi owned no shooz or socks, he'd hard skin
on his feet - 
an' curries made wiv vegetables wuz all dat he would
eat - 
hiz diet made him frail an' weak, wiv breath dat
smelled atrocious - 
dat super-callused-fragile-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis!!

Oy Vay Maria - 

A Catholic married a Jewess
And the union was blessed with a child
Which religion to bring the lad up in
Was the question that drove them both wild!
They argued, discussed an' debated
And agreed at the end of the day 
To allow the young man to decide for himself
Then one evening they heard the boy pray....
"I have sinned holy father, but I am contrite
And I've prayed on my knees on cold stone
But if that doesn't make things all right, holy lord,
See my lawyer......... his name's Eli Cohen." 

The Shoppin' Eggz-pidishun

a fella went out ta da drugstore - 
ta git tampons fer hiz luvly wife - 
he bought cotton wool an' a big ball ov string - 
an' went home ta da luv ov hiz life 

"whut iz dat den???" she said as he passed her the
stash - 
"just what did yew buy that stuff for?" - 
"yew remembah dat day last week honey? "he said - 
"when for ciggies yew went to da store?"

"yew bought me tobacco an' papers, - 
sayin' 'rollin' yer own saves us money' - 
so i thought yew might like jest ta try it yerself - 
git rollin' dem tampons now, honey!"