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shoelace's Poetry
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Written after hearing
ov bernard clemmens and his 2mins 43second fartin' record in a triviaaa
question.....
WHOSE ANUS?
Anow ol' bernie
clemmens from london / could fart for
two minnitz or more / he was known for da strength ov
hiz output / from chicago to ol' bangalore /
one evening dere wuzza disaster!!! / whilst eatin' out
atta friends place / dey fed him on beeeeenz...an'
while walkin' on home....bert launched himself out
into space...
he flew past da moon wivout slowin' / an' went
speedin' past mars inna flash / da stwength of da
beenz wuz enooohmous!!!!! / (dey wuz served up wiv
sossidge an' mash) /
he finally crashed hourz latah / (he wuz cussin' an'
swearin' quite heinous!!!!) / an' landed (yew guessed
it, yew smaaahtass!!!) / on da surface of .......datz
right... Uranus....
"THE AKTAH"
an ancient
shakespearean aktah
wuz sickly, an' nearin' da end
he wuz askin' fer readin' materials
from a play-lovin' long term fwend
hed read ebbyting dat da bard wrote
so' hiz desperate fwend one fine day
presented a new phone directory
sayin' "here!!! its a great bwand new play"
a kuppla days had gone by when
hiz pal plucked up kourage at last
ta ask if da new play waz pleeezin'
fer reeedin' while breeevin' yer last
"im lovin it" said da ol' aktah
"an' i hope dat i don't die tooooo fast
cuz i aint even REACHED da first scene yet
but oh my GAWD lookit dat CAST!!!!!"
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